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Dear Dave,

My boyfriend is not very good with money, and he’s in a bad spot right now. He has a huge car payment every month, plus about $ 30,000 in credit card debt. He also lives in a very expensive apartment. He recently quit a great job because he doesn’t love his boss anymore. He talked about declaring bankruptcy and yesterday he asked if he could move in with me. I love him, but I’m also scared. I try to manage my money well by saving, investing for my retirement and avoiding debt. What does this mean for our future together?


Dear Crislyne,

Guess the guy isn’t really bankrupt, but it looks like he has some maturity and character issues that need to be addressed. I’m not saying things can’t change, but this isn’t someone to move in with or consider getting married anytime soon. You two would have a hard time as husband and wife unless he made some real course corrections in his attitudes towards money and life.

To begin with, he must find another job, sell the expensive car and find cheaper accommodation. Leaving one job for another is good, but deciding that you don’t like something and walking away from it without another job waiting – especially when you have bills and a pile of debt – is it. simply irresponsible.

Many people identify too strongly with what they drive or where they live. They come to believe that these things are indications of their worth or worth, and that’s sad. It means that something inside of them is broken, and bankruptcy is not going to fix that problem.

All of that doesn’t mean he’s not basically a decent guy, but it does mean he needs to take control of his finances – and that he has a bit of soul searching and growing to do.


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